Country Music Songwriting Contest

 I'm going to give it a shot! The goal is to epically fail which is a freedom I can't describe.

I have one day and 16 hours to change my life and prove I'm a writer. Even if you/me/us don't WIN, the world has more songs in it. 

I'm going to write until I can't, and keep updating this along the way. The key to it, I believe, is to make it heartbreakingly personal, to write a love letter to the baby you never conceived, to the ones you've lost, to the people you admire and for anything at all that you love the most. never edit any of these things that pop into your brain, just let the songs travel through you. Edit later. If it sounds outrageously stupid, you're on the right track.

All I've ever been is the weather

Sit with me on this hill 

looking over Slusher Valley

let's admire this cloud museum

and fall in love again

with the essence who gives

clouds to decipher

this breeze in these trees

this love in our hearts

all these shades of blue

Let's wait for the moon

to show itself to us again

take off all of our clothes

and run through the woods

we'll hang all our troubles on

the branches because they've

been here long enough to know

soon enough we'll be free

soon enough the breeze

will be swept up in our laughter

and the deer will love our spirit

and they'll wake from their slumber

and run with us to nowhere

and this spirit of us together

will bring the rabbits, and the squirrels,

the foxes and the ghosts in these

mountains

and we'll giggle that nobody will

ever believe us, but here we are

and this is real.

My child,

be fierce

be brave

know that your heart

is my deepest love

and your unending compassion

is your greatest gift

Know that I'm always here

with you, rooting you on

Always tell the truth

and never fear

because through it all,

I'm still right here.

Wake me up with the blender

Wake me up with a song

Wake me with a smile

Wake us all up with your smile

Let it remind us we're loved

Let it remind you that you are too

Tell the whale you're a mountain

Tell the forest you're a tree

Tell your heart you're free

And it will follow

Tell me your truth

And I'll show you my smile

Hold my hand and cry

until the tears dry

and we laugh until we're crying again

Grandmother Spider has shown up

to help

a dove on the doorstep

tells me the ancestors are here

A mockingbird stops by daily

to tell me to sing my song

to tell me to be unafraid

to tell me to be unabashedly

myself

in case I forgot

I write the words,

when I'm unable to speak

I point to my wrist

to tell you something's wrong

There's lightning in here

and it's striking me again

I speak in tongues,

and gestures

my throat burns like fire,

and I plan my escape

I leave a packed suitcase by the front door

To remind myself I'm free

And to remind him to hug me

because we can't possibly know

how long we'll be here

I can see that train on the horizon

and I know my days here are limited

but I've seen the truth since I was a child

We can simply greet this gentle transformation

with a gift of nature

Because the next leap is the leap home

and all we've ever wanted is to see our true home

so why fear that?

There's no fear in that place,

that's how souls get stuck here

Longing

Longing

Longing

to go on home

while turning their backs

to its welcome arms

We fear the most tender embrace

as nature kisses us on the lips

and opens the gate

to the magic of our imagination

and all the connections are connected

finally, and all of it adds up

and we wish we'd known this all along

and embraced the glorious joke

of living

If it's fear, let their be joy in it

the way you excitedly scream

on a roller coaster

because that's all there is

and that's all we are

the imagination of ourselves

experiencing this glorious ride

and the pain is just as powerful

and perfect as the love

without one, we couldn't fully

understand the other

Bring in the horns

And by that I mean rage

Let yourself be inside it

without judgements

Let yourself experience every emotion

Until they all sing together

Like a big band on a roller coaster

trying like hell to play

while their mouths get bloody

and their teeth fall out from

blowing their horn

let them swallow their reeds

and know that their mission is pure

that the truth is out there

and we're just playing a tuba on this train

waiting for glory

Wake me up with a tuba

Wake me up with fury

Hold me and sing your song

But don't sit me aside

Don't make me talk to your bitch

Because I won't put up with 

discussing mortgages and finance

when life is so much more extravagant 

than all that

I'll push her to talk about the crafts

she's embarrassed aren't good enough

We're going to end up in jail before this night ends

Because I'll light her on fire

Burn her down with passion

I'll convince her she's fierce and she'll never come back to 

you again.

I'll bring her to my trees,

convince her to climb aloft

and we'll fly together

hellbent on self destruction

because we're chaos, we're love,

we're lust, we've all been through hell

and its goddamn time to fly, right here

and right now, without remorse

All of those who stand at the bottom of this dream

and scream that they're trying to save us because

we'll ultimately fail and die, and we know they

think that but that kind of thinking has them 

standing at the bottom of a tree shaking their 

fists when they could be up here with us

wildly laughing in the top of this tree

She lives in Kitty Kat Palace,

retired from dancing for fools

and retired from people

She makes astronomical leaps in thinking

and no one ever knows what she'll come up with next

She's got one fool in the bedroom and another in the garage

and they endlessly fight for her love

even though they both know she'll never be won

She's bigger than all of that now

and if she grants you the access to the truths

she now knows about men, you'd be wise to listen

because she can see them from a mile away

People call her a professional, but only those

who get it understand that its a compliment

A professional at understanding and seeing through a man

knowing his kinks, his truth better than he ever will

in the briefest exchange

She's seen him and found him wanting

She's seen him and sat around wondering

if she'll ever be seen too

She gets out her guitar and plays for me

And I see her.

Nobody in their right mind could not recognize

this muse

I salute every dance you've ever been brave enough

to perform

And she tells me if she had a smile like mine,

she'd smile all the time

And if I had this time machine, I'd sail back

and keep that pimp from taking her teeth

I'd beat him unmercifully

But I'd wake up and she wouldn't be here

with me, showing me the path to freedom

so thank god we don't have a time machine

and thank god for that awful pimp, let's go destroy

him now and everything he stands for

She let me see that it's entitlement to know

your birthday

It's an entitlement to have an ID

Take everything the world thinks is important

and she comes up roaring with laughter

because they never had her

and the secret was right there

that to win her was so simple

that it was just to be seen.

I came across a video last night of Guy and Susanna

They were higher than any two people I've ever seen

And they suddenly made sense to me, paved my path

Jesus never made sense to me in church

So we walked and walked the alleys, peeking into

open garages until we found truth

A box of vintage X rated magazines

We giggled at the pictures and all of the wiry hair down there

those bizarre veins in it, how much prouder the men look 

than the women, how the bottoms are tiny bags of marbles

the line that divides them looks like the brain of the exposed skull

and it makes glorious sense 

While she searches for the biggest and grossest one

I browse the classifieds

There's a picture here of Jesus laughing

And all at once, Jesus makes sense to me for the first time

My holy grail, sitting in the classifieds

The divine gift of understanding

We never tell anyone about the dirty magazines

I never tell anyone that I saw the truth in them.

"How high are you?"

"So high I'm thinking about how cool it feels in your mouth to sing Ooooooo waaaaa ohhhhhh oooooh"

You're halfway there, kid.

Bring in the mystics.

I needed to see my pictures again to remember this place

This open room, how it doesn't have walls

and the forest is just a bunch of trees

if you don't know truth and hold its hand, no matter where it takes you

You're in the hawk's claws now, finally soaring through the air

Just like you had always wished for

But you didn't specify, did you?

That this wasn't how you wanted to fly

You just wished for flight without information

And though you got your wish

You still complain, wallow in your pain

All because you don't know that you could be a hawk,

if you wanted to

That's the only way to prey, boys.

That's the only way to prey.

Know exactly what you want

Know exactly who you want to be

And when you see Jesus smiling,

you're halfway there

I need to see more of my pictures of the skies, of the bones

of the mushrooms, of this moss

DANCE, Party of one.

*DANCE BREAK*

I can't help it, it started in my fingers

then took holt of me

Why have I never shown these pictures to anyone?

The answer is shame.

When we look in the rearview mirror, back at who we were back then,

we're met with fierce compassion for the child we were a year ago,

recognize that her work was incredible, and that she was incredible too.

And that's a moment of justifiable HOPE, that 1/60 th of a second

between the dice being thrown and their landing

That's the truth, the fraction of time between hope and grief

or hope and glory

I set the music to play whatever it wants, and it takes me on this trip

always playing the right song for that moment, the exact thing I need

to hear

I learned it from a friend who always speaks to me in song

to give me insight when I'm confused

That's not even a metaphor, he knows we speak the same language of song

And no one else in the room can understand our language

and it's beguiling

His wife speaks this language too, and for that one thing alone,

I love her.

When she speaks to me, I never know if the words are coming

out of her mouth, because when I reply to what she's told me,

she seems so stunned. And I, back, when she speaks in truth.

I can't comprehend her level of understanding, because I hadn't 

seen it in others before. I hold it like a crystal to my eye, and

wonder why I haven't ever been here before, seeing and being seen,

understood and witnessed.

And then we finally crumble into this high,

like running through the woods under the moon,

and all that's left to talk about is how decent this cheese is.

Ten million images, boxes of negatives, I've never shown anyone.

We're all these stories and these memories and these pictures

we've never felt entitled to show to the world and point to them

proudly and say, "See there's proof I really lived,"

and then more deeply, "I really lived"

It took so many bad ones to make each good

and I'll show them all proudly, wearing my scars with honor

I dreamt that I ran

I ran and ran and ran

When I couldn't run

I jogged

and jogged

and jogged

When I couldn't jog I walked

When I could no longer walk

I crawled

When I could no longer crawl,

I drug myself with my arms,

through the soft sad

and into the fire

the deep gravel

the sharp rocks

and when I woke up

I saw my future

And I nodded to it, in its honor.

At least it gave me grace by showing

me it was all part of the process

and we'd be working this conjuring of this life

in hard mode, because we'd already

conquered all the other levels to the point

we were bored to death to play them again

and dove into this body, this life,

grasping at it like a chipmunk in the claws

of the hawk, dancing to the music of his

impending end

Only that chipmunk knows

that at least he got to fly for a minute,

no matter how brief 

He could be terrified,

instead he surrenders

and embraces understanding

what flying feels like

I got down that time, because Mother Nature

Made a profound joke of my arts and crafts making

When she showed me the critters I had convinced

myself that I had designed

And she whispered, all you have here

is playing air guitar,

because I've already created

everything you ever believe you create

and when you realize that,

you can ride along with me

to a land of original thought

and actually be a creator

And I wept for the thought

that I'd finally passed this test

because I started to think that I'd 

been in this video game long enough

and I'm ready to put on my black belt in life

and I'll miss the moment

between throwing the dice

and their landing

but I won't miss your face

because it will be in everything I make

it will add beauty to everything it touches

When he shot the first deer, I couldn't speak for an hour. It was shocking and I couldn't put a word on my feelings. I cried at the sight of it, having gone from a mystical creature to this unrecognizable thing on the ground, and I longed to touch its soft feet.

As you release its guts to the buzzards

I watch the heart still beating

and the colon still pushing the grass you've

eaten today continue moving down its track

the way its always done

and it's the most exquisite thing I've ever witnessed

After seeing inside,

I look down and see those same organs

beating and swallowing

inside of me

and even years later, I'm still holding the bow

unable to pull the trigger

but I thrill at your ability to do it,

because I just want to see it again

and admire that there's not one tiny cell

of this that my hands could ever create

How endlessly creative must she have

been to have thought of all this!

I'm a cat now, playing with its food

as if it has nothing to lose,

because nature is endless

there's no brutality here.

Brutality is in the hands of humans

who can't see nature,

or never bother to look

to consumed by greed

and wheels and oil

and I pity them now, here

holding a beating heart in my hands

and thanking the deer for her sacrifice

and she tells me there's no such thing

as sacrifice here.

I imagined it was a grape, 

glowing from the inside

tiny flowers blooming from

its head

I desired to put my mouth on it

because my hands couldn't

grasp how soft it is

I wanted to cut it open,

I loved it so,

but I knew that cutting it open

would destroy it and I wanted

to keep it this way, forever,

so I could remember to run my

lips across its surface

But because it's living means

that shortly it will be dead

so I cut it in half without remorse

and think of the deer

He says they're falling into Hell

I said, no! they're swimming through

salty water in a cave

losing track of time

of light

of the days and the nights

they're hope, not simply victims

of their birth

What you see as a pit of despair

I see as weightlessness

I told you I wanted to go and visit my old friend

the ocean and you laughed

at my childish heart

to think that the ocean was a friend of mine

the last time I saw her I stood in her presence

In her smell, in her vastness

I knew I had been given the briefest

glimpse of God and she winked,

laughed and walked away

while I tried to thank her again for this

My first love was the sky

I wanted to see her from every part of the world

In the desert she could outburn any neon light

she mocked them outright, for their creations

and the people bought in, at first

they preferred the big decorated boxes

and the shot at hope,

and the idea that security was in the next 

roll of these dice

and when they ran out of money, they ran 

out of hope and threw themselves

off the Dam, hoping their hopelessness

would make the news,

but what they didn't know was that

over 50 people throw themselves over that Dam

every year and not one of them ever makes the news

because you have to do better than that

if you want to make the news

or be remembered when you're gone

But one day one of them spent his last dollar

on hope, and when he emerged from the casino

to the parking garage, he saw the incredible sky

and laughed that he'd been so ignorant

and instead of finding out halfway down the canyon wall

that the truth was so simple,

he decided to live.

And he really, really lived.